Psalm 37:4

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Where should I begin...

My husband Jason and I decided when we got married we would wait 5 years before having children. Which by the way we planned on having 2 kids 3 years apart. That was our plan but not God's. The first part of our plan worked out great, we had our 5th Anniversary in October of 2002 and had our son Isaac in December. Everything About my pregnancy, labor and delivery was perfect and I loved every minute of it except the morning sickness. We were blessed with a wonderful, healthy, tender hearted son. Years later I came to believe God allowed it all to be so perfect because he knew it was the only time I would experience it.
Before Isaac was a year old Jason and I decided to start trying for baby number 2. 6 months turned into a year. 1 year turned into 2,3,4...nothing...we started testing which resulted in nothing. Every Dr. told us there should be no reason why we couldn't get pregnant because we had once before. The years of the emotional roller coaster was becoming to much for us. Although there was still a void in our hearts we decided to just be thankful to God that he gave us Isaac. Instead of wasting years obsessing over a child we didn't have we were going to enjoy every moment with Isaac.
I did pretty well most of the time putting it out of my head. Of course until I would hear someone's pregnant, or when I would see a child that's neglected. I would ask God "why"? I felt like I failed Jason, myself and Isaac because he didn't have a brother or sister like other kids his age. I would get angry just looking at the spare bedroom sitting empty!
For the record we have a wonderful life, we are blessed with so many things. My wonderful husband and son, our jobs, health and home. I figured if God wanted us to bare the cross of infertility then we would.
Just this past March I went for my yearly check-up. Which happened to fall on the same day that my beautiful, precious niece Lily Jo was born. I went straight from the hospital holding my niece to my Dr's office that was full of " moms to be". My Dr. was very candid with me, he told me if we wanted to pursue having another child the time is now. He pointed out that I'm 32 and at the age of 34 I would be considered high risk. If we want to try to have another baby he would send us to a specialist in Kansas City. I was grateful with his honesty it felt like a wake up call. I knew that I could not go back to that emotional place for something that wasn't guaranteed. So, the small part of my heart that secretly held on to the hope I would just get pregnant slammed shut. It was what I already knew I just needed to hear my Dr.say it.
Two weeks later Jason, Isaac and I went to a Jason Crabb concert. During the concert he spoke about children he sponsors through World Vision. He was asking others to do the same. Isaac leans over and whispers that he wants to sponsor a child, he said he would give up his allowance in order to do it. I told him to raise his hand, so they passed us a packet. When we pulled the picture out of the little girl my heart melted. I thought what if this was my first glimpse of a child we were adopting? I could take her home and love her! That is the moment God spoke to my heart. We could adopt and one day we would be shown a picture of a little girl that we could bring home to love forever. A few days passed before I mentioned it to Jason. I think he was surprised at first but it didn't take long before he was on board and just as excited as I was. After reviewing information from several agencies, we felt God was leading us to Thailand. The financial burden of International adoption is very heavy and for Jason and I, who are used to cautious planning of our finances, we will have to rely on faith in God's plan that he will provide a way. Although apprehensive, once the seed of adoption was planted in our hearts there was no turning back...we mailed our application April 15, 2011.

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