I just realized that I haven't posted about our progress, or lack of progress. Well, it is progress but some days I feel like we are as far away from traveling as ever. One thing I've learned in this process is to never count my chickens because there's always something else that can go wrong. I'm not complaining or being negative but just being real. Every single step of our adoption, except for one so far, has been the longest estimated wait time. Every time we take another step I breath a sigh of relief and pray we are finished with delays but then something else happens to hold us up. Let me fill you in...
September 6 - the one year anniversary of our referral of Lauren we finally got the call that we received first approval at the September 4 meeting! Yay!!
September 9- received word our article 16 came! Double yay!! (This is the one thing that came sooner than expected)
September 10- article 16 delivered to our house
September 12- mailed I-800 application to the drop box and sent the visa packet along with a care package to Holt (Jason took care of this for me because I have major anxiety when going to the post office, don't ask it's too tramitizing to explain)
-Sigh of relief and hope that we will sail through to travel-
September 13- I-800 arrived at the drop box in Texas
September 27- received a call from Holt telling us that USCIS has to send us a RFE (request for evidence) letter. Commence the tears!!! It's all because our home study said we were approved for a child 0-24 months and by the time we finally got first approval Lauren was over 24 months. If the home study would have said 0-2 years it would have been fine. Grrrrrrr! Now we have to wait for a new home study to be mailed to us then we have to file a supplement 3 and send a $360 check. Beyond the money and extra paperwork we are wasting time! At this point one day delay is more than I can handle! The positive thing is the Thai director doesn't think it will delay us much in travel. Of course at this point I am thinking of all the ways that we can possibly be delayed with the rest of this process.....like a government shut down!!!!!
I feel like I'm getting good at being disappointed and learning to handle it with grace. I sometimes find myself asking why it has been so hard for us to complete our family. I know the wait and pain now will be worth it in the end, but in this moment it is so hard. I have cried more tears in the last few months than I think I have in my entire life. I don't even get mad when the delays come now it's just sadness. If I think about having to file this extra paperwork for too long I get knots in my stomach and feel sick and not to mention the government shut down that is looming. I trust Gods plan and his time but oh how it hurts my heart...
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
The Grass Isn't Any Greener...And You Still Have to Mow It!
The "grass is greener" proverb is used quite frequently when it comes to married vs. single life. For some reason I have been more aware of this topic in the last few weeks. I don't know why because divorce has become such the norm for society you would think I would be desensitized to it by now. I have experienced divorce in my own extended family multiple times so you would think that it would be no big deal to me...but it is. I know divorce is a sensitive topic and there aren't many of us out there that it hasn't affected. I am reluctant to even write about it because of that very fact.
It is not God's plan for people to divorce. I know there are valid reasons to and I am not speaking about those people. I don't feel anyone should stay in an abusive relationship, or stay with a spouse that cannot, excuse me, will not be faithful. And what is there to do when your spouse is just finished and wants out no matter how you feel??? You fight for your marriage but can't make them stay and before you know it you are a divorcee.
I am talking about the ones who just quit, walk away, give up. The ones who think it would be easier to be apart than together. The ones who don't want to do the work that it takes to make a marriage work because it would be "easier" to start over with someone new. I am talking to you. Divorce does not just affect you and your spouse. Whether you like it or not it affects your children (no matter their age), your parent's, friends....EVERYONE! I have noticed one common denominator when someone walks away from a marriage, a hardened heart. Why? Because you have to harden your heart to do what you are about to do to the ones you love the most.
This started weighing on my heart a few weeks ago when I read a post about divorced parents being proud that they could be together at a special event and get along for their child. Don't get me wrong that is great, but the thought that was in my head was why didn't you fight harder to save your family? I would stand up and clap if someone would say we were on the verge of divorce and we went to counseling, or got back into church, or worked hard to find the love we lost, and we have saved our marriage. Don't you think that's what your kids truly want? Parent's who love each other and fought to stay together. Wouldn't that make everyone the happiest? Not, my parents are divorced but they can be in the same room for my birthday party and not fight. Or when I overheard a woman, who is separated from her husband, say to her child "what's wrong?" I wanted to scream at her "What do you think is wrong!?! His parents are separated and you expect him to act like life is great!"
I hope my mom doesn't mind that I share this story but my parents divorced when I was 28ish years old. I know the pain it feels as an adult, I can't imagine the pain I would have felt as a child. I watched my dad walk away from a 30 year marriage. He just quit. He walked away at a time that my mom was recovering from an 8 month illness. It was to the point that I was preparing myself to lose my mom. I thought she was going to die. All the doctors who treated her thought she had cancer that they just couldn't find. Before she got sick she weighed 130ish pounds and when she was released from the hospital she was 94 pounds. She was wearing a little girls size 12 clothes. My dad chose at that time to just walk away. You know how he did it? He hardened his heart and he turned away from God. The devastation has a ripple effect, even though the one causing the pain refuses to believe it.
My heart hurts for the families that are on the verge of making a huge mistake and throwing away everything they have spent so many years building. I think I am so acutely aware of the ending of families recently because we have spent so many years and so much money just to complete ours. We have fought hard and there were times we wanted to give up but we haven't and we won't. We are on the verge of completing our family and I am watching others just throw theirs away.
Last night Jason and I had a date night because Isaac went to a birthday sleepover. We saw a dear friend, who within the last year lost his beloved wife to cancer, out to eat with his granddaughter. I flippantly said "we were having a date night, dinner and going home to watch a movie, that's what our dates consist of" like it didn't mean anything or wasn't good enough. The moment the words came out of my mouth I regretted it. I felt I could read his thoughts with the look he had on his face. I knew he would give anything to have one more of those nights with his wife.
The last few weeks have made me more aware of my own relationship with Jason. I need to nurture it and be thankful for it and treat each and every day as if it were our last. We are all guilty of taking things for granted at some point in our lives. Spouses, children...people who we love.
The school where I work I see on a daily basis children who are neglected by their parents. We take them to the nurse for clean socks, give them hugs, and nurture them as much as possible for the 7 hours a day that we are with them. You never hear about those people dealing with infertility do you? I know the pain of watching people who don't care for their children the way they should continuely have them and you can't.
I'm sure I'm not overstepping when I speak for the ones who have lost their spouses, dealt with infertility, or endured the waiting, financial struggle and sacrifice to grow their family through adoption...don't quit, don't take your children or your spouse for granted! Love them like there's no tomorrow!
It is not God's plan for people to divorce. I know there are valid reasons to and I am not speaking about those people. I don't feel anyone should stay in an abusive relationship, or stay with a spouse that cannot, excuse me, will not be faithful. And what is there to do when your spouse is just finished and wants out no matter how you feel??? You fight for your marriage but can't make them stay and before you know it you are a divorcee.
I am talking about the ones who just quit, walk away, give up. The ones who think it would be easier to be apart than together. The ones who don't want to do the work that it takes to make a marriage work because it would be "easier" to start over with someone new. I am talking to you. Divorce does not just affect you and your spouse. Whether you like it or not it affects your children (no matter their age), your parent's, friends....EVERYONE! I have noticed one common denominator when someone walks away from a marriage, a hardened heart. Why? Because you have to harden your heart to do what you are about to do to the ones you love the most.
This started weighing on my heart a few weeks ago when I read a post about divorced parents being proud that they could be together at a special event and get along for their child. Don't get me wrong that is great, but the thought that was in my head was why didn't you fight harder to save your family? I would stand up and clap if someone would say we were on the verge of divorce and we went to counseling, or got back into church, or worked hard to find the love we lost, and we have saved our marriage. Don't you think that's what your kids truly want? Parent's who love each other and fought to stay together. Wouldn't that make everyone the happiest? Not, my parents are divorced but they can be in the same room for my birthday party and not fight. Or when I overheard a woman, who is separated from her husband, say to her child "what's wrong?" I wanted to scream at her "What do you think is wrong!?! His parents are separated and you expect him to act like life is great!"
I hope my mom doesn't mind that I share this story but my parents divorced when I was 28ish years old. I know the pain it feels as an adult, I can't imagine the pain I would have felt as a child. I watched my dad walk away from a 30 year marriage. He just quit. He walked away at a time that my mom was recovering from an 8 month illness. It was to the point that I was preparing myself to lose my mom. I thought she was going to die. All the doctors who treated her thought she had cancer that they just couldn't find. Before she got sick she weighed 130ish pounds and when she was released from the hospital she was 94 pounds. She was wearing a little girls size 12 clothes. My dad chose at that time to just walk away. You know how he did it? He hardened his heart and he turned away from God. The devastation has a ripple effect, even though the one causing the pain refuses to believe it.
My heart hurts for the families that are on the verge of making a huge mistake and throwing away everything they have spent so many years building. I think I am so acutely aware of the ending of families recently because we have spent so many years and so much money just to complete ours. We have fought hard and there were times we wanted to give up but we haven't and we won't. We are on the verge of completing our family and I am watching others just throw theirs away.
Last night Jason and I had a date night because Isaac went to a birthday sleepover. We saw a dear friend, who within the last year lost his beloved wife to cancer, out to eat with his granddaughter. I flippantly said "we were having a date night, dinner and going home to watch a movie, that's what our dates consist of" like it didn't mean anything or wasn't good enough. The moment the words came out of my mouth I regretted it. I felt I could read his thoughts with the look he had on his face. I knew he would give anything to have one more of those nights with his wife.
The last few weeks have made me more aware of my own relationship with Jason. I need to nurture it and be thankful for it and treat each and every day as if it were our last. We are all guilty of taking things for granted at some point in our lives. Spouses, children...people who we love.
The school where I work I see on a daily basis children who are neglected by their parents. We take them to the nurse for clean socks, give them hugs, and nurture them as much as possible for the 7 hours a day that we are with them. You never hear about those people dealing with infertility do you? I know the pain of watching people who don't care for their children the way they should continuely have them and you can't.
I'm sure I'm not overstepping when I speak for the ones who have lost their spouses, dealt with infertility, or endured the waiting, financial struggle and sacrifice to grow their family through adoption...don't quit, don't take your children or your spouse for granted! Love them like there's no tomorrow!
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