Psalm 37:4

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Friday, April 5, 2013

2 Years and Counting.....

I have been doing some reflecting lately  since our 2 year mark is coming up in a few days, April 15 to be exact! What?!  2 years already!?  I can still remember the nervous excitement I felt on the day I dropped the Holt application into the mailbox!  Time has seemed to both fly and crawl at a snails pace all at the same time.  I never realized the amount of patience you have to have to go through this process and it seems like every time I think I can't possibly wait any longer God shows me differently.  It's amazing the strength he gives us and what we are truly capable of with his strength!

As we approach the two year mark on our adoption journey I have been thinking about where we were last year, or even two years ago.  When we started our journey we knew so little about the steps we were about to take, but we stepped out in faith knowing that God had a plan. We still firmly believe that today, and  I can see how important the waiting is.  It has been a time that God is molding and preparing us to  be ready to take on the responsibility of parenting an adopted child.  I feel so honored that God has called us to adoption and that he is allowing our family to grow in this way.  I feel like the luckiest mom in the world that  I am getting to experencie motherhood through a biological birth and a child that has grown in my heart through adoption!  As I have thought about the last year I realize we have endured many trials, but I know that we have grown stronger from it.

We have spent our time waiting by going between obsessing about every detail of the adoption to trying to have distractions, things to keep us busy so we don't obsess!  In the last two years we have had some good healthy distractions like planning fundraiser's, attending Winter Jam, spending time with family, and building our house.  Building can be stressful, but it kept our minds busy and helped pass the time.  Now we are fast approaching the one year mark of living in our new house, May to be exact.  We love our new home and I have spent the last year trying to decorate and furnish it.  It has been a slow process, especially when there's not a lot of extra money to do it with because everything has been going into our adoption fund.  I have learned to love a good thrift store deal and that is how I've gotten most of the stuff for our home.  Who knew we would spend all kinds of money building a new home just to furnish it with old stuff!  I love it and it reflects our taste exactly!  I love to find beauty in things that are old or not any good to someone else.  It reminds me of Gods love for us.  He sees past all the muck and grime and sees us for what we could be with his grace and love.  

As we draw nearer to the final part of our wait to bring Lauren home I find myself being distracted by things that are not good and positive.  The last few months have definitely been a trial for us.  We went from worrying about Jason's job, which turned out fine, to experiencing something that I never have before.  My best friend told lies about me to others.  I hate to say it so bluntly, but there's really no other way to say it.   I went from angry and confused to just sad.  I tried to have grace and not speak about it because I didn't want to add fuel to the fire, but then it just started feeling like people were believing what was being said.  It's very hard to not chase the fires and try to put them out.  If you've ever been through something like that you'll know what I'm talking about. Through these trials I've come to realize that when trying to stay in the will of God that Satan can and will attack where it hurts the most.  I have relied on the people closest to me, that love me, and they have given me tremendous support.  I only share this now because a few days ago Jason and I were talking about the negative turn things have taken the last few months and how we don't feel focused on the right things. It's crazy how you can take your eye off the things important for one second and the devil swoops in to try and destroy things.  It also hasn't helped that I just finished my fourth round of antibiotics for a sinus infection since January.  If I get sick again they will do a CT scan to check for a sinus blockage. I don't have time for a surgery right now so I am praying for complete healing!  Anyway, with all those negative things its been easy to get carried away in the wrong direction!  However, I have taken a hard look at things the last few days and realized this sort of distraction is not what God would want. I need to be focused on our adoption and preparing for our daughter to come home.  It's time to get rid of the baggage and negativity.

On  April 6th it will be 7 months since we received our referral.  We are entering the "first approval anytime" phase.  How exciting!  We are anxiously awaiting approval so we can go get Lauren!  I know this next bit may sound crazy, but when we got our referral and I found out Lauren's birthday is in July I started praying for God to allow us to travel in June or first of July.  I want to be with her for her 2nd birthday.  I know it's not looking good for that to be a reality considering the delays, but I still have unending faith that with God it is still possible.  Only time will tell what God's will is for us and in the mean time we will continue to focus on what's important, pray, and wait.

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