Blessings...

We had a guest speaker at our church right around the new year.  She shared something that her family does every year.  They have a jar and every time God blesses them they write it on a rock and put it in the jar and at the end of the year they pour them all out and reflect on how great God has been.  I am going to find a jar and the biggest rock that will fit and I am going to write on it....SAVED JASON'S JOB!  We were so relieved and happy to find out yesterday that he was not the one to be "displaced".  That is what they call it when they eliminate your job.  I want to write down this answered prayer and reflect on it months from now because I don't want to forget.  I don't want to forget how scary it can be to know that a situation is out of your hands but also to know the comfort that only God can provide.  I was so happy when Jason text me at work to tell me the good news.  I actually asked him twice if he was sure before it really sank in.  The worrying that I struggled with over the weekend was not just about money or jobs or our financial future but mostly what  losing a job would do to the future of our adoption and that is when the real pain surfaced.  All the years that Jason and I tried to have another baby and struggled with infertility satan would tell me that I wasn't a good enough mother to parent another child, I wasn't deserving of that blessing.  He would tell me that I failed Isaac because he didn't have siblings to play with like everyone else.  Needless to say I was so thankful to God for taking care of us as he always does.  I didn't care that I was at work, I found a closet to get in and got down on my knees and praised his name!  I am so thankful that I can share the goodness of God!

This morning on the way to work I heard the song blessings by Laura Story and it touched my heart.  I have prayed for the very things she talks about in her song....blessings, peace, comfort for family and protection while we sleep, healing, for prosperity.  These next words are the ones that really pricked my heart this morning... We cry in anger when we cannot feel you near.  We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love as if every promise from your word is not enough and all the while you hear each desperate plea.... Those are the words that kept me in my car outside of school crying for forgiveness this morning from all the doubting and letting satan get the best of me over the weekend.  I am so thankful that God loves me and forgives me when I let him down.  Sunday night in church they were talking about Heaven and Isaac turned to me and said "mom I just can't wait to get to Heaven".  I thought about his words when I heard these words in this song.....the pain reminds us this is not our home.