It's A Girl!!!!

We are SO EXCITED!!!!  We got a referral of a healthy 13 month old baby girl!!!!  We think she is absolutely beautiful!!!!  We got the call Thursday, September 6.  When my phone rang the number looked familiar but I didn't think much of it because it wasn't Holt which is programed into my phone and that was the only number I really cared to see.  It turned out it was our case worker Judy.  I never once expected the reason for her call was to tell us we had a match!  I knew the call usually comes from the program director or her assistant.  She caught me completely off guard!  I was in complete shock!  I think she enjoyed tricking me because she acted like she was calling about something else and at the last minute said "oh, by the way..."  We are so thankful that God has gotten us to this place and that he has matched us with the most beautiful little girl.
I have kept a journal since we started this process just so I can look back and see what we were doing on the day she was born.  That is the first thing Isaac wanted to look up after we saw her birth date.  She was born the Monday after we had our adoption garage sale last summer.  I thought that was pretty cool.  There wasn't anything cool or exciting that we did on the day of her birth but later I read the next day's entry.  I couldn't believe what it said...I wrote that I woke up feeling that God was calling me to fast that day.  I fasted and prayed the entire day.  I have NEVER felt led to fast before or since that day.  I can't help but think that the reason was because of our baby girl.  Maybe it was for her birth mother that was struggling to make the decision about her newborn baby or for the health of our baby girl.  I love when I can see God's work without a shadow of a doubt. 
We have decided to name her Lauren and it feels good to be able to pray for her by name.  We love her so much already.  I will try to  post her picture and if anyone would like to see it just message me for the password.  Just please do not copy or share her photo.  Thank you!

Preparing Our Field

This is one of my favorite clips in Facing the Giants.  I wanted to post this clip because of the story about the farmers praying for rain but only one of them preparing the field. It is what I kept thinking about when we worked on our little girls room.  We moved into our new house the first of May and we had touched up the paint in every room except our little girls.  Her room had just been a catch all for the extra things we had to put away.  During one of Jason's vacation weeks this summer he said it was time to work on it.  I was a little apprehensive at first because I didn't want God to think I was being presumptuous by getting the room ready even before we have a referral.  But this clip and the story about the farmers came to mind and it helped me feel better.  The entire time we touched up paint, put the tree on the wall and placed every single blossom in just the right spot I prayed and thanked God for what he is going to give us because it is what he has called us to do.....and we are just preparing our field to receive the blessing...

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Stick a Fork in it!

Oh, what a week it has been!  You all heard me rant about my Monday and Tuesday wasn't much better.  I was talking to my friend Rosie on Tuesday night about my week so far and how rough it has been.  I told her if Wednesday wasn't any better I was just going to "stick a fork in the week and call it done".  Well.....Wednesday turned out to be quite interesting.

I got an emergency phone call at school from my brother saying the field behind our house and our back yard were on fire.  Also, the wind was blowing toward our house and there were no fire fighters there!  I was so scared!  How could I not be?!  This summer has been so dry and Wednesday was a windy day on top of that!  To make a long story short our house survived.  The fire made it within 50 yards of our back porch which was way to close for me.  So, needless to say Wednesday trumped Monday and Tuesday by far!  We were so exhausted because of the emotional strain of the events of the day but even though we were scared to death I was grateful for what God had done.  God gave me the "shake up" that I needed.  I was letting myself focus on all the small little things that had went wrong the last 2 days.  Were they disappointing? Yes, they were upsetting, especially because they were two things that we were specifically praying for.  But, I got a glimpse of how much worse it could be.  We very easily could have lost our home that we just finished building in April.  Sometimes it feels like I can't feel or see God working in my life and I think that is what I had been feeling.  Like maybe my prayers weren't getting to heaven and God wasn't hearing me.  The way things worked out on Wednesday showed me what I already knew, that God is with us always.  Even in the times when we can't feel his presence. There are things that happened Wednesday that non believers would say are coincidence but as a Christian we know there is no such thing...or in the words of Mother Teresa "When I pray coincidences happen and when I stop, they don't".  I feel the need to list them....

1. My brother was on his way back to work from lunch when he saw the smoke.  He is not a worrier but "something" just told him to go check on our house.  If you ask my brother he will tell you it was God telling him and I believe that with all my heart.

2.  Jason and I had just built a fire pit in the back corner of our yard and planted some grass seed around the area.  We had 2 garden hoses connected and stretched out there to water the seed.  So, when my brother got there and he was the only one.  He was able to just turn the hose on and it was already where he needed it to be.  Do you know how long it would have taken him to find more hoses and connect them together to reach out there?

3.  Over 50 acres burned that day and 11 counties responded to the fire.  We had the red cross and Office of Emergency Management there also and guess where they set up their head quarters?  In my back yard!  I was so thankful to have them there because I felt safer. 

4.  Fire fighters were there for approximately 6 hours.  They had to leave because there were 2 other fires that had started.  There was one fire truck with one fire fighter left.  He is friends with my brother and so he sat down with us on the back porch to rest for a few minutes before he left.  He probably sat there 20 minutes.  He was getting in his truck to leave and turned on his sirens and honked the horn for my niece Lily to hear it when he took off across the back yard.  I was confused for a min.  but quickly saw there was a small rekindle behind our neighbors yard to the left of us.  While he was dousing those flames we spotted big flames behind the neighbors yard to the right of us!  Those required help of another fire truck to get under control.  What if he would have left right when the other trucks left?  What if he didn't sit down and talk to my brother for awhile?

This is where the burn line stops and you can see how close it is to our house.

The field just behind our house as you can see there's nothing left but ashes.

Our back yard

I know this is wordy but I just wanted to share ALL the moments in that day where I saw God's hand.  It could have turned out really bad but it didn't.  God was and is always taking care of us.  I want to thank God for his blessings on Wednesday and for giving me a friend with humor.  She text me that evening and asked me if I was ready to stick a fork in it?!  I laughed out loud!

Rantings of a MAD Christian Woman....

I'm just going to warn you don't read any further if you want to read about sunshine and roses because that is not what you are going to get today.  I have had a blog post on my heart for the last couple days that is positive and hopeful...a "preparing my field" kind of post.  For those of you who have watched Facing the Giants you will know what I am talking about.  That post will come but not tonight.

It has not been the best day for me and frankly the last couple of days have been rough.  Of course if you were to look at me everything would seem fine (btw I despise the word "fine" just ask my husband if you don't believe me).  I have gone about my days "appearing" that everything is right in my world.  Sometimes don't you just get sick of pretending that things are great in your world.  Like in order to be a good Christian woman you aren't supposed to show emotion, get mad or question why things are the way they are?!  It feels like in order to be a Christian you aren't allowed to show emotion you are always supposed to be "even keeled".  Well.... It's not true!  You can be a Christian and have emotions!  In Matthew 21 Jesus went into the temple and turned over the tables of the money changers because they were doing business in God's house.  Guess what?!  I think he was MAD!!!  I was actually in a Bible study one time and we were studying these exact verses and they were saying "well, I don't think he was mad"......ummm...hello! A calm person does not go over turn tables!!!  What I am trying to say is I believe it is ok to show emotion  when we are angry and things don't work out the way we prayed.  That doesn't mean we aren't trusting God or that we don't have faith.  We are human and God gave us emotions to feel. As a Christian I strive and often times fail to be conscientious of how I appear to other people.  I want my faith in God to show in my life.  In the good times and the bad.  With that it sometimes translates into showing no emotion or a false emotion.  I can smile and say "God has a plan"  and inside I'm screaming and crying like a 3 year old little girl! So, with that said, I am angry today.  There I said it and it feels good.  There have been things that we have been specifically praying to happen in our adoption world and other areas of our life.  2 of those things just feel apart today.  Now, I know all the things that people would say at this time so I will go ahead and insert them to save everyone the trouble.  I know God has a plan and it will be worth it in the end and it's not my way it's God's way.  I know and believe ALL those things.  It is rooted deep, deep down in my heart.  But, I also feel that today in this moment it is ok for me to feel disappointed, mad, sad and frustrated.  I will get over it probably by the time I finish this post.  I just wanted to share how I really feel and for others to know that it is alright to feel the plethora of emotions that God has given us and we don't always have to hide it.

So, for those of you that have survived my ranting God Bless You!   I feel much better all ready....(deep sigh)

PS  By the way Matthew 21 (you know the chapter where Jesus gets mad) ends like this - And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

#4

Well, June referrals came out early at the end of May and as you can see we only moved 1 spot AGAIN!  I was disappointed with March's referrals and had higher hopes for June.  I wasn't expecting a match this time but hoping to be closer to the top of the list like...oh... maybe 1 or 2.  Typically, I  have a pessimistic personality, I'm an "expect the worst hope for the best" kind of person.  Well!  Not this time!  I was positive and hopeful that things would move a little better than last time.  I was sorely mistaken but that's what happens when we start thinking we know God's plan better than he does.  I was happy for the families that got matched and I also felt like a little kid stomping my foot and whining "when's it going to be MY turn?!"  I also thought of the families ahead of me that probably did expect a match this time and didn't get one...I know how bad it feels at number 5 I can't imagine what they are feeling.  I took a long shower and had a good cry then a very honest talk with God about how I was feeling.  He knew already so I thought I just as well tell him. That is when he spoke to my heart and reminded me of two things.  One is the verse Kelly our Pastor read at Wednesday night bible study (which was just the night before).  I marked it in my bible and leaned over to tell Jason that "I'd better mark this because I have a feeling I'm going to need it." Romans 8:25  But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
 I felt God was preparing me with a verse to hold onto because he knew I'd need it.  The second thing was lyrics to a song we heard at Winter Jam.  The Same God by Newsong.  The words are...

The same God  with you then, is with you now...
The same God who led you in, will lead out...
so take all the fear and doubt...
go on and lay them down...
the same God, the same God is with you now. 

I had started to wonder if adopting was what God really wanted us to do but the words to the song reaffirmed to me that yes God led us into this adoption and he will lead us out... and in the meantime I will hope for what I do not see with patience.

The same God- Newsong (with lyrics in description)

This is what has kept us busy while we wait...