Ledbetter Adoption Video

2 years 3 months and 4 days into our adoption was the hardest day for me yet!  That would have been last Friday when 3 out of 4 families from our September referral group got first approval and we didn't.  Before I go any further I want to say that I am very happy for those families!  I have met 2 of those families and had hoped to travel to Thailand with them.  After a conversation with my case worker who was told by the program director to call me because they knew I would be upset, I was in total meltdown.  That's when satan started whispering things in my ear like, God just doesn't love you as much as the others,  you didn't pray enough, there's still something God wants you to learn that you just aren't getting.....and on and on and on.  Talk about a low for me.  I was totally defeated and to those that saw me that day would probably agree that's how I looked.  Of course I didn't have the comfort of my home to sit and cry the rivers of tears, we were at the Sho-Me games with Isaac's baseball team in Columbia.  Thank God for big sunglasses!

Having grace and faith has been the most important thing to me in the process of this adoption and Friday I felt like I failed.  It's really hard to hear " oh, your file was probably next on the pile and they just ran out of time."  But they don't know if that was the case, we should be next but its obvious they don't go in order so there's no comfort in that hope.  There's not even comfort with the thought that we will get first approval at the next meeting because it has been the trend to not approve anyone after a meeting where they did.  To top it off meetings are twice a month, usually every other week but not the next one, its not for 3 weeks!   Ahhhhhhhh!

 I hate to sound so negative and dreaded writing this post, I even begged my husband to write it for me, but I feel it's important to document the good and the bad. I pray that one day I will look back at this day and see Gods goodness in his plan and understand that it all worked out the way it was supposed to. Adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I have struggled the last few days to find renewed strength and a positive attitude but honestly it hasn't come as quickly as I hoped it would. Then last night I read these verses in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 …⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My cousin wrote this to me yesterday... Praying for strength for you today. It's okay to have days of weakness, don't let anyone tell you any different. That's the days when the Lord does his best work. Because then we finally step out of His way. ((Hugs)) to you today.

On Friday when I was so upset I told God that he had pushed me too far and that I don't have the strength or grace to go on, but I cannot live by how I "feel" I have to live by the promise's God has given me in his word.  God says his grace is sufficient, that doesn't necessarily mean I will feel an over abundance of grace, that means he will give me what I need and guess what?  I'm still putting one foot in front of the other!  I am human and I will feel weak but thank God I don't have to rely on myself! For when I am weak, then I am strong!

Lauren's 2nd Birthday...

July eleventh was Lauren's second birthday.  I will admit it was harder than I thought it would be to celebrate without her.  I had hoped and prayed that we would be together as a complete family by now, but God had another plan.  We are continuing to trust his plan but some days are harder than others. 

We decided to make it a positive day of celebration and not focus on the fact that we were not together.  We had a cupcake party at the park and celebrated with family and friends!  We were so thankful for everyone who came to honor this special day with us.  It was kind of strange to host a birthday party without the guest of honor but it went great!  At dark we lit Chinese lanterns in honor of Lauren.  Each family had their own lantern and they wrote notes to Lauren on them.  When the lanterns were floating up into the sky everyone started singing Happy Birthday.  It was so sweet. I am so thankful for our friends and family that came...

Isaac and my mom helped frost and decorate the cupcakes...

 

All the kids at Lauren's party, I realized much later that we were missing 3 girls from this picture and it's hard to get them all looking at the same time.

This is my Great Aunt and Uncle.  My Aunt is praying that she is still here to meet Lauren when we bring her home.  She has been battling lung cancer for awhile now.  It is my prayer too.

This is Reese.  We have decided she is going to be Lauren's best friend!

We have wonderful family and friends who got Lauren the most thoughtful and sweet gifts!  I loved all the home made cards too!  Lily, Lauren's best cousin/friend, is helping me.

Isaac cheering as the lantern lifts off!

 

 

 

Cousin Kole

 

 

 

 It was a wonderful evening and we can't wait to show Lauren the pictures one day when she is older.  She will be able to see that so many people loved her before they even knew her.  Next year her birthday will be even more special because, Lord willing, she will be home where she belongs...

Adoption Video

No news....

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated everyone on our progress.  I haven't posted because there is nothing to report.  There are delays in Thailand and the program is slowing down or grinding to a halt...I don't think that's true but it's how I feel.  I have read on numerous blogs that waiting for first approval was the hardest part of the wait and after experiencing it, I agree.

We have tried to keep ourselves busy this summer and so far we have accomplished that and had fun doing it!  We have spent a lot of time with Isaac and his baseball team.   I have come to truly value the friendships we have made with the parents on the team.  We also have been swimming although Isaac keeps having a reaction to the chemicals in the pool so he hasn't had the most fun with that.  I feel terrible for him!  He had a Dr. visit today and hopefully we have the problem figured out and it won't happen again.  We have gone to Silver Dollar City a couple of times, we love riding the rollar coasters!  And we plan on going to White Water this Saturday with my family!

Along with all our summer activities Jason has had the opportunity to purchase his own distributorship.  It was a hard decision to make because Jason has been at his job for 13 years but it was an opportunity we couldn't pass up!  So, this Friday is Jason's last day at his job and then he begins a new chapter in his career!  Wow, this was a hard one for me.  From the very first thought of adopting I have had complete faith that God would take care of us financially and in every other aspect pertaining to the adoption because I was positively sure that it is the path he wanted us to take.  Since we started the adoption process over 2 years ago I have come to realize that I was letting God have control of the adoption but in my mind I was still hanging onto everything else.  Rationally I know that I cannot control anything that will or is happening in our lives but on some level in my controlling mind I hadn't given over everything to God.  When Jason was presented the opportunity to step out and be self employed I was scared to death but we prayed about it and I realized this was my time to truly give everything over to God.  Not only to walk in faith with our adoption but to also step out in faith with the rest of our lives.  What a freeing feeling it has been to let God lead!

I will admit there are some days when I feel like I don't have the strength to wait one more day to see Lauren's face and I grow weary of the 2 plus year process, but there's always that still small voice that tells me I DO have the strength to go on because The Lord renews my strength every day, every hour, every minute.  I CAN wait on Gods perfect timing because his timing is perfect.  I love The Lord my God with all my strength, with all my soul, and with all my mind.  I am walking in faith and he will see me through.

Crazy Busy....With Baseball.

We have gotten crazy busy in the last couple of weeks, which is a good thing to help pass the time while we wait for first approval.  Isaac's baseball team has practiced 3 times a week all winter.  It got kinda rocky for them for awhile.  The facility they were using caught on fire and burned down.  They lost most all of the baseball equipment including a brand new batting cage! It was so disappointing and they had to scramble to find a new facility to practice in.  Thankfully they did and were up and running just a few weeks later.  Their team name is Smokin' Aces because they wanted everyone to know that a fire wouldn't keep them down!  After 3 weeks of rain outs in the Spring league the games finally started last week and this past weekend we were in Branson for a tournament.  The boys played great!  They won the Championship and went undefeated all weekend!  It was good to see their hard work all winter paid off.

There's nothing like watching your child succeed along with all his friends!  After they received their trophies and we took a million pictures we all went to celebrate with dinner and ice cream.  The boys ate outside and us old folks stayed inside.  I didn't think I could be anymore proud of our boys that day until Jason hit me on the shoulder to look outside, and this is what we saw.....

the boys had their heads bowed in prayer.  Thanking God for the good baseball they had played and for their food.  I scrambled as quickly as I could to grab my camera and get a picture before they finished.  I stood inside the restaurant fighting tears and said my own prayer of thanks.

As a side note the boys found out that USSSA has ranked them as a AAA team!!!!!

We are so ready for Lauren to come home so she can spend the summer watching her big brother play baseball!  We already have a Smokin' Aces shirt hanging in her closet and now she has some bling to wear with it!  Aunt Kayla had this bow custom made!!  Don't you just love it!!!!

Care Packages...

I just mailed off care package number 4 today after school, hopefully it will be the last one we send.  I'm hoping that we'll be traveling to bring her home by the next time we can send one.  I realize that I haven't kept up with posting pictures of the rest of the packages we've sent except for the first one.  So, I will give a quick recap.....

Care package #2...I had to take the book out because it weighed too much, we sent a new photo book that had Aunts, Uncles and cousins and more of us, 2 outfits, a shlumpie and a camera...

 Care package #3...we sent a recordable book.  We each took turns reading a page...

Care package #4...they have cracked down on the amount of gift items we can send.  It's only supposed to be one, but who can send a little purse with nothing in it?!  I snuck  a package of stickers and some little plastic bracelets inside  her purse! If they take them out that's ok but I had to try.  I also wrote a note to Lauren to tell her how ready we are to meet her and how much we love her and of course another camera...