11 Months and Counting....

Today marks 11 months of waiting for first approval...11 of the longest months of my life.  This waiting is getting very, very hard.  I'm asking for anyone who reads this to please say a prayer or two for us and another family that also received their referral in September.  In a few hours DSDW will be meeting in Thailand and we are praying for first approval this time.  I know the trend has been every other meeting for a family or families to get first approval.  There were three at the last meeting so I am trying not to get my hopes up, but how can you not?  I have prayed a lot already today and am trying to stay calm and in control of my thoughts and emotions, but I know the disappointment will be great if we don't.  I have been running on God's strength alone for the last 3 weeks already so I also ask for prayers that if we don't receive first approval at this meeting that I have continued strength until we do.

Blessed and Blessed Again...

Wow!  What a week it has been!  The Lord has been so good to us this week.  We were fortunate enough to be the featured family on Give1Save1 Asia.  If you are a FB friend I didn't need to tell you that and I'm sure by now you are sick of seeing the link.  Haha...  I am so thankful for all the friends, family and strangers that donated money this week.  We ended with $516.00!  What a BLESSING!

Also, this week I finally started working on Lauren's bedroom.  I had planned to do it all summer and just kept putting it off.  I know why now...because this was the week I was supposed to do it.  It was very therapeutic.  I felt like I was doing something at a time when there's nothing I can do but wait and pray.

  It's not completely finished but you get the idea...I decided to get a toddler bed just in case we need to put it in our room when Lauren comes home.

Another blessing this week has been the time I have spent with the Lord.  I have felt his presence all around me and he has spoken to my heart every time I have turned around.  My mom and I went to my Sis in-law's Bible study Thursday night and the title of the study was, A Woman of Patience.....a Woman of Power.  Oh good grief!!!  That was my first thought when I heard it, but it was such a blessing to my soul!  She talked about how patience has power and the reason patience is powerful is because patient people cannot be controlled by the devil or the circumstances he brings to upset them.  Wow!  Powerful!  My sis in-law also spoke about the importance of realizing that patience is not only the ability to wait, but also how we act while we're waiting.  That point right there is the thought I have focused on since the beginning of our adoption.  I knew it would be a long wait but I wanted to wait gracefully.  I don't think I've always accomplished that but I am trying.  After the Bible study we went to Brumley to hear Jeff and Sherri Easter sing.  I love to listen to gospel music and it was good to spend quality time with my mom.  Friday night Jason and I had a very spiritual and humbling conversation with our friend after Isaac's ball game.  I love to talk with others about God and his goodness and it was a blessing to hear his testimony. Church was so good this morning.  We started a new series on Joseph, I love the story of Joseph.  Anyway, our pastor encouraged us to explore God's favor this week.  So, I thought I would start with  the Webster's Dictionary to see what the word favor means...friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior and gracious kindness are a couple of examples.  I want to be in God's favor and  I am excited to study it this week!  Also,  Isaac brought this card home from his class.  If I understood correctly, he had to write down 2 verses and choose one to memorize.  He chose the first one...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...

Then he had to write why he chose that verse on the back.  He wrote...I like it because right now our adoption is taking forever and we feel like we can't Do anything...

                                              
                                          ...Blessed.

Ledbetter Adoption Video

2 years 3 months and 4 days into our adoption was the hardest day for me yet!  That would have been last Friday when 3 out of 4 families from our September referral group got first approval and we didn't.  Before I go any further I want to say that I am very happy for those families!  I have met 2 of those families and had hoped to travel to Thailand with them.  After a conversation with my case worker who was told by the program director to call me because they knew I would be upset, I was in total meltdown.  That's when satan started whispering things in my ear like, God just doesn't love you as much as the others,  you didn't pray enough, there's still something God wants you to learn that you just aren't getting.....and on and on and on.  Talk about a low for me.  I was totally defeated and to those that saw me that day would probably agree that's how I looked.  Of course I didn't have the comfort of my home to sit and cry the rivers of tears, we were at the Sho-Me games with Isaac's baseball team in Columbia.  Thank God for big sunglasses!

Having grace and faith has been the most important thing to me in the process of this adoption and Friday I felt like I failed.  It's really hard to hear " oh, your file was probably next on the pile and they just ran out of time."  But they don't know if that was the case, we should be next but its obvious they don't go in order so there's no comfort in that hope.  There's not even comfort with the thought that we will get first approval at the next meeting because it has been the trend to not approve anyone after a meeting where they did.  To top it off meetings are twice a month, usually every other week but not the next one, its not for 3 weeks!   Ahhhhhhhh!

 I hate to sound so negative and dreaded writing this post, I even begged my husband to write it for me, but I feel it's important to document the good and the bad. I pray that one day I will look back at this day and see Gods goodness in his plan and understand that it all worked out the way it was supposed to. Adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I have struggled the last few days to find renewed strength and a positive attitude but honestly it hasn't come as quickly as I hoped it would. Then last night I read these verses in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 …⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My cousin wrote this to me yesterday... Praying for strength for you today. It's okay to have days of weakness, don't let anyone tell you any different. That's the days when the Lord does his best work. Because then we finally step out of His way. ((Hugs)) to you today.

On Friday when I was so upset I told God that he had pushed me too far and that I don't have the strength or grace to go on, but I cannot live by how I "feel" I have to live by the promise's God has given me in his word.  God says his grace is sufficient, that doesn't necessarily mean I will feel an over abundance of grace, that means he will give me what I need and guess what?  I'm still putting one foot in front of the other!  I am human and I will feel weak but thank God I don't have to rely on myself! For when I am weak, then I am strong!

Lauren's 2nd Birthday...

July eleventh was Lauren's second birthday.  I will admit it was harder than I thought it would be to celebrate without her.  I had hoped and prayed that we would be together as a complete family by now, but God had another plan.  We are continuing to trust his plan but some days are harder than others. 

We decided to make it a positive day of celebration and not focus on the fact that we were not together.  We had a cupcake party at the park and celebrated with family and friends!  We were so thankful for everyone who came to honor this special day with us.  It was kind of strange to host a birthday party without the guest of honor but it went great!  At dark we lit Chinese lanterns in honor of Lauren.  Each family had their own lantern and they wrote notes to Lauren on them.  When the lanterns were floating up into the sky everyone started singing Happy Birthday.  It was so sweet. I am so thankful for our friends and family that came...

Isaac and my mom helped frost and decorate the cupcakes...

 

All the kids at Lauren's party, I realized much later that we were missing 3 girls from this picture and it's hard to get them all looking at the same time.

This is my Great Aunt and Uncle.  My Aunt is praying that she is still here to meet Lauren when we bring her home.  She has been battling lung cancer for awhile now.  It is my prayer too.

This is Reese.  We have decided she is going to be Lauren's best friend!

We have wonderful family and friends who got Lauren the most thoughtful and sweet gifts!  I loved all the home made cards too!  Lily, Lauren's best cousin/friend, is helping me.

Isaac cheering as the lantern lifts off!

 

 

 

Cousin Kole

 

 

 

 It was a wonderful evening and we can't wait to show Lauren the pictures one day when she is older.  She will be able to see that so many people loved her before they even knew her.  Next year her birthday will be even more special because, Lord willing, she will be home where she belongs...

Adoption Video

No news....

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated everyone on our progress.  I haven't posted because there is nothing to report.  There are delays in Thailand and the program is slowing down or grinding to a halt...I don't think that's true but it's how I feel.  I have read on numerous blogs that waiting for first approval was the hardest part of the wait and after experiencing it, I agree.

We have tried to keep ourselves busy this summer and so far we have accomplished that and had fun doing it!  We have spent a lot of time with Isaac and his baseball team.   I have come to truly value the friendships we have made with the parents on the team.  We also have been swimming although Isaac keeps having a reaction to the chemicals in the pool so he hasn't had the most fun with that.  I feel terrible for him!  He had a Dr. visit today and hopefully we have the problem figured out and it won't happen again.  We have gone to Silver Dollar City a couple of times, we love riding the rollar coasters!  And we plan on going to White Water this Saturday with my family!

Along with all our summer activities Jason has had the opportunity to purchase his own distributorship.  It was a hard decision to make because Jason has been at his job for 13 years but it was an opportunity we couldn't pass up!  So, this Friday is Jason's last day at his job and then he begins a new chapter in his career!  Wow, this was a hard one for me.  From the very first thought of adopting I have had complete faith that God would take care of us financially and in every other aspect pertaining to the adoption because I was positively sure that it is the path he wanted us to take.  Since we started the adoption process over 2 years ago I have come to realize that I was letting God have control of the adoption but in my mind I was still hanging onto everything else.  Rationally I know that I cannot control anything that will or is happening in our lives but on some level in my controlling mind I hadn't given over everything to God.  When Jason was presented the opportunity to step out and be self employed I was scared to death but we prayed about it and I realized this was my time to truly give everything over to God.  Not only to walk in faith with our adoption but to also step out in faith with the rest of our lives.  What a freeing feeling it has been to let God lead!

I will admit there are some days when I feel like I don't have the strength to wait one more day to see Lauren's face and I grow weary of the 2 plus year process, but there's always that still small voice that tells me I DO have the strength to go on because The Lord renews my strength every day, every hour, every minute.  I CAN wait on Gods perfect timing because his timing is perfect.  I love The Lord my God with all my strength, with all my soul, and with all my mind.  I am walking in faith and he will see me through.